Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
