god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
