He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Panties = found
Randomize
