New invention idea: vibrating tampons
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Still dying that you shit outside
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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