hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
