Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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