He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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