# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
