Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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