You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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