it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
