girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
