Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
