I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
