Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
