VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
