I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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