yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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