the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
