Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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