I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
