It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
