One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
