so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
