Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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