Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
