he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
