Just fell off a train. Bad.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
