A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
