If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
