It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
