is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
