Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
