awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
