I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
