so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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