Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
