you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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