if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
