think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
