oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
