yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
