Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
