I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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