I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
