our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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