Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
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Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
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I want to be your penis for a week.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
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