remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
