fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
