sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I met the friendliest cop last night
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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