Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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