Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
