You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
