Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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