You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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