Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
