well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
