okay pat passed out under dana's car
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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