I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
