The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
