No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
